Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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