In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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