I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
