try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize