I'm going to rape someone's good day.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
