I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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