A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
