Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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