I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
