I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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