that's an acceptable place to lick
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
