It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
