Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
