Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If I die, sorry about rent.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
