also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
