I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
