just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize