so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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