If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize