I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Randomize
