didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the day after is always just damage control
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
