And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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