To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
