My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
