the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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