hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize