mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
