when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
