I wanna bring you to show and tell
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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