the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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