Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
