Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
