My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
