I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
