so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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