So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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