I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dear god my vagina.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize