whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize