What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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