he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
