the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
