does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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