Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
