I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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