it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize