Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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