he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
