i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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