If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
