I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
