Who did Billy Mays play for?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
