she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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