haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
