shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
