We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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