I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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