I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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