I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
A+ Viking dick
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
