Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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