these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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