it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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