I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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