Someone shit on the floor
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
