I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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