you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
