You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
