after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
