Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
