It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
