I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
