someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
