At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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