in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Text me some of your sweat
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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