They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
